Posted in Fibro, Parenting, Personal

Open Letter to Fibro

Good morning constant companion,

I know we had a rough night last night, we were actually asleep! That was until the kid’s TV show woke us up and I sent a text with one eye open to turn it down and rolled back over to cuddle with my froggie*.

And then it happened. I felt that unfortunate new tinge in back. My shoulders and neck was already slathered in numbing cream and while I thought this would be cruel and unusual punishment for the kid to get back at waking me up it was a school night and his room was dead quiet.

The heating pad! I had moved the heating pad into the room and the little one was at his dad’s house so I could use it freely without hearing a little angel  (demon) complaining about his aches and pains and feeling guilty if I say no, because I remember being called a hypochondriac at that age, because no one believed me when  I said I hurt.

So I turned it up to the highest setting we can tolerate now -low- and put The Holiday on my phone and again tried to fall asleep.

I finally got comfortable enough to sleep when my son’s alarm went off at 6:38am.

And I wanted to cry. Once again, we had so much to do. And once again, I texted him that I couldn’t safely drive, so take the car and I will stress my self tomorrow getting things done.

Fibro, I know we have been together for years now and each and every day you find a new way to surprise me. There have even been three times I have woken up with no pain during all this and I will forever be grateful for those times.

But you really need to go. Between the pain, depression, anxiety and now sleep paralysis on top of it; I’m done.

I’m done thinking that I am not good enough and I am done allowing people to make me feel as if I’m ‘pretending’ about this whole thing and could go run a marathon tomorrow if I wanted to.

I’m done waking up to painful swelling in an area that I NEVER hit/injured in anyway. It’s like being in a domestic violence relationship with yourself**. Constantly feeling as if you’ve been in a fight and honestly you have. With your own body.

I am over the heartbreak I feel when I have to tell my children no over something that seems so easy for me to do but I can’t.

I am over you.

You will not win, I will continue to fight, although I am exhausted from you. I will win.

Hasta baby,
Lisa

*Yes, I sleep with a stuffed animal sometime. Don’t hate cause I’m adorbs!

**I realize that DV is not a joke, I am not joking. I am comparing this to my own personal hell I survived.

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Author:

Lisa Arrington is a mother to two wonderful who has always had a passion for writing. Lisa attended a local technical college and received an associate degree in Computer Networking which she put right to use. Lisa currently lives in Southern Arizona with her two sons and when not writing she can be found curled up on her favorite chair with Kindle in hand, reviewing books for her blog, chauffeuring the boys around town for basketball games or playing Candy Crush Soda on her phone. She loves the color blue, can't get enough cherry cheesecake ice cream or Junior Mints and will forever be in a power-struggle over the big screen TV with her youngest child.

8 thoughts on “Open Letter to Fibro

  1. I feel you. I was born with a birth defect in my neck that has become full-blown arthritis and stenosis, and unfortunately, the meds prescribed gave me peptic ulcers. No strong meds for me, just ice and heat and hurt. It’s in my knees, too, and that hurts more than the neck sometimes. I feel creaky and achy and I exercise and it does not help. I’d love to have the fluidity of youth back, but alas, I think it’s gone for good. I’m with you. I’d like it to exit, pleaseand like, yesterday.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope today has been a better day for you 💜
    Your not alone! Everyday is a surprise and even if your feeling okay and manage to do something it may kick you in the assessment the next day!
    Wouldn’t it be lovely to be able to do something simple like blow drying your hair without having to pay for it!!
    Nicole x

    Like

      1. Did you get it fixed? If so that’s another small battle you have won and the fibromyalgia has lost! (tho I count everything as a win as long as it hasn’t brought me to tears!)

        Like

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