Posted in Personal

I am not strong enough

I’m not strong enough, smart enough or even remotely capable of caring anymore. An hour ago I quit. I quit caring and I quit trying. I bust my ass off and for what? More debt, more collection notices, more sadness, more hopelessness. And the wonder support I get? Yeah that equals to “You need to take responsibility” what.the.ever.lovin’.eff.

Yes, because I sit here blaming everyone and their mom for MY problems. Jesus. I take on so much responsibility I forget to make me a damn responsibility.

I don’t cry all night trying to figure out how I’m going to make it til payday or crying because I can’t help my son from hurting. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly worrying is this the day we are going to be kicked out or are the lights going to be shut off? Why the fuck wasn’t I smart enough to get gap insurance on my jeep. Yep, that’s right, Roxy got stolen and I just didn’t want to say another damn thing has happened to me.

Oh the great great piece of advice I got today… “Find another job.” Yes because finding a job that pays me what I am currently receiving and being able to work from home is such an easy thing to find. Why the hell didn’t I think of that?

Sometimes I wish those pills would have done more damage when I was 15.

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Author:

Lisa Arrington is a mother to two wonderful who has always had a passion for writing. Lisa attended a local technical college and received an associate degree in Computer Networking which she put right to use. Lisa currently lives in Southern Arizona with her two sons and when not writing she can be found curled up on her favorite chair with Kindle in hand, reviewing books for her blog, chauffeuring the boys around town for basketball games or playing Candy Crush Soda on her phone. She loves the color blue, can't get enough cherry cheesecake ice cream or Junior Mints and will forever be in a power-struggle over the big screen TV with her youngest child.

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